i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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