i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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