apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
