Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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