my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
