another moral hangover. fuck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
