we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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