pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
