Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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