I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
