Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
