Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
