I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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