I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
