So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
