i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
