the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
