you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
