So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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