pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
