Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
