We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
