It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
