My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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