I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
