You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
