so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
