Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
