Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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