Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
