I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
