I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
