I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They took my balls.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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