she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My vagina is very pro this idea
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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