carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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