Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
