Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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