I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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