Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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