the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
a search helicopter?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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