please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
