I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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