I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
