she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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