Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
