I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there is puke in my bra ... again
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