There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
