Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
