we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
