I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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