I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
